


We All Need a Shoulder to Lean On

by mushembra



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: AKA I must be stronk girl and not feel things, Angst, Brief mention of android gore, Catharsis, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mention of Assault, North has a little existential crisis, Original character is just brief for plot, Post-Pacifist Ending, Secret Santa, The Jericrew as siblings, The Jericrew boys are to the rescue!, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 19:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17209241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushembra/pseuds/mushembra
Summary: North is known throughout New Jericho and Detroit as a whole to be determined, cold, and willing to do anything to protect and aid her people.But she can't be everywhere at once, and she can't save everyone. It's a heavy burden, and a deep ache has taken root in her chest, twisting and pulling, threatening to tear her apart.That is, unless those she holds most dear can manage to finally show her even she deserves and needs a shoulder to lean on, just like everyone else.





	We All Need a Shoulder to Lean On

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first thing I've wrote in...fucking forever  
> It's a secret santa gift so not my usual sort of story, and def not who I usually write either  
> So I hope ya'll enjoy it, or said person this is a gift for at the very least enjoys it  
> Certainly not my favorite writing with my depression kicking my ass but...

North was always working. Ever since the beginning of the revolution, when Markus sounded off the rallying call to those of them lucky enough to be free, she’s put her life on the line, willing to risk it all to ensure their victory. Sure, she was a little rough around the edges and it clashed with his pacifist ideals (because holy shit those humans deserved a fucking deck right in the teeth), but someone had to be the ‘bad guy’. Someone had to be willing to fight, to be the fists when the words just didn't work. Humans never fucking listened. Ok, so maybe in the end their leader's words and influence is what won their tenuous freedom, but his pretty little words weren't going to keep them safe in the here and now.

The humans were returning to Detroit with hesitance of those they must now live with rather than lord over, and clashes were inevitable. Humans assaulting androids on the streets, targeting Markus and his inner circle in hopes it’ll turn back the clock on this whole freedom movement, and North would be damned to let it happen. Not on her fucking watch. Which is why she’s more or less become the head of the New Jericho security team. Not quite the police with little sanction to back their authority, but outside of Hank and Connor, no one was defending them. No one was willing to serve and protect her people until laws were officially set into place making crimes against them illegal. So she had to pick up the slack where the aid was lacking. She was always at the ready to come to the aid of her people, day or night, at a single moment's notice.

But North would be lying if she said the work wasn't taxing, emotionally and physically so. And some days were far worse than other, as tonight was already proving to be. She’d gotten word of a poor fellow ex-Eden worker backed into an alleyway, and was hot on the chase with Josh on her heels. But she didn’t need his fucking worry and his diplomatic words to bring a more amenable resolution. She needed fists, needed anger, the very same that's allowed her to do her job to the best of her ability where others may be too timid, still too afraid of the humans who were not long ago their masters. But Markus insisted, he wanted words to win the day, to prove they weren't just monsterous machines. Words weren’t always the fucking answer, she was much too aware of that, and if he was smart enough, their leader would realize it too. Her thirium pumped at a frantic pace through her system, breath pulling out ragged as she willed her legs to move faster.

“North, wait up! Come on, charging in isn’t going to get us anywhere! What if they have a weapon?”

 “I’m not going to let those rat bastards hurt her!”

No, not her. Not another android ever again if North had a say in it. She couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop, not until every single fucking human knew and understood that her people were not to be trifled with. They were many, they were strong, and they deserved to live just like everyone else. So close. She was so close, and yet so far away. But she was certainly close enough to see clearly where the attack started. A trail of thirium, leading from the street to the nearby alleyway. No, _no_ , she couldn’t be too late. She couldn’t _fail_. She was seeing red, letting her anger boil over, burn her out, leave nothing but determination and steel as she rounded into the alley. She was ready for an all out brawl, but all she was left with was an android, barely on the edge of life.

The assailants were long gone, leaving behind their catch. The android was battered and broken, the plates that were meant to cover her abdominal cavity pried wide open with a length of steel laying not to far from her. The main line leading from her thirium pump was broken in two, the poor thing’s life blood pouring out from the damage. And all North could do was watch as her fellow sister died. Too late. She was too late. _Too late_. All of the fight bled out of her as she staggered for the wounded android, falling to her side, hands reaching while her mind reeled. Fuck there had to be something she could do. It just couldn't end like this! The only response the android could manage to her rescuer was a shuddering raise of her head, eyes sliding up to North as she managed a sad little smile.

“I…kn-knew you would come…”

“We…we can fix this. We can fix you up. Just—just hang in there. We’ll take you back to New Jericho, our maintenance team—”

“It’s too late for that, North. Its…its ok. You t-tried—your—”

The android could no longer force her systems to activate her voice module, her eyes sliding downward before they stilled, along with the rest of her body. The red light from her regulator dimmed until nothing remained, and it was then that North knew she had passed. No amount of determination, of willing it so, could get her here when she was needed most, and the rage and pain that lanced through her chest was nearly unbearable. This wasn’t the first time it’s happened, when she’s come to the aid of a fellow android too fucking late, and it wouldn’t be the last. Oh how she fucking wished it could be the last. No one deserved to die alone like this. Not a soul, save the monsters that did this to her. She could faintly hear footsteps scuffing into the alleyway behind her, then a gentle hand on her shoulder that she shrugged away from, a snarl on her face that just begged Josh to come closer. Because this is how she always handled this shit; by shoving everyone away to hide the hurt. Always hiding the hurt, always invalidating her own pain.

“You tried, North. That’s…more than anyone else tried to do for her. We can at least bring her back to New Jericho, lay her to rest like she deserves instead of being left here to be collected.”

 That was about the only thing she could agree with Josh on this whole fucked up night. Despite his protesting, North was adamant about being the one to carry her sister back, and she did so with a heavy heart that only seemed to grow colder the more brutality she was forced to see. Day in and day out, it was the same shit. Just a different day. It was days like this that really made her wonder what the price of their freedom really was.

 ------------------------

North was withdrawing. She knew she was withdrawing, but it was her sole defense when she was struggling to fucking cope and she felt like one bad day away from snapping like a twig. Day one since she’s deviated, she’s held her secrets close and kept her emotions held even closer. Emotions were a weakness, something people could use to harm you. And she of anyone couldn’t afford to be weak, not when all of New Jericho depended on her for protection. There were patrols to be handed out to her growing squad, intel to be investigated, victims to be visited. And the tight heaviness in her chest only seemed to grow more painful as the days and weeks dragged on. Problem is her behavior was starting to draw a little too much concerned attention.

Markus and Simon in particular have started asking shit like ‘are you alright?’ or ‘you aren’t working yourself too hard, are you?’ And it left North giving a fake little smile while she scowled on the inside at the unnecessary gesture. Oh sure, everything was just fucking peachy with all of those attacks and androids feeling so damn unsafe in the city. That’s what they should be concerned about, not her. She was just fucking fine, and would be better once this whole situation was under control. Well, that was the story she told them and anyone else who dared ask. It was the same damn thing she tried to tell herself at night. But the questions left her wondering.

“F-Fuck…”

North couldn’t help rubbing at that aching, hollow spot in her chest, a frown turning down her lips. The longer she hid and denied the pain swelling within her, the more this ache seemed to blossom and grow to consume her. And she couldn’t help but desire the warm comfort of another, of her friends trying so hard to reach out to her. A compulsive thought that told her over and over it would soothe this ache. But she couldn’t and she _wouldn’t_. Not when she was needed. Not when she’s failed. She was the hardened security officer of New Jericho. She had to get and _keep_ her shit together. She growled in frustration, fisting her hands into her hair, pulling and thrashing her head for a moment before a knock on her door startled her out of her little tantrum. Fucking great, now what? Can't even have a moment to have a crisis in private around here?

“Come in.”

North had just a few moments to run her fingers through her hair as a means to sort herself out and put up a cool façade before Markus, Simon, and Josh came in like they owned the place. And there were those faces again. That sad concern that made her gut twist. Lovely. They’ve never come at her all at once, and never in her room. She was honestly feeling pretty fucking cornered, and let her expression show her displeasure, as a means of raising her hackles like some trapped dog.

“North, come on. Relax. It’s just us. No one else needs to be involved in this. But you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

North couldn’t help the little growl that rumbled through her chest, her glare growing cold, hard, daggers she wielded to force them to back the fuck down. There was a bit of a nervous fidget from Simon, the more uneasy of the four of them, but her brothers didn’t relent. A swell of painful and terrifying emotion surged through her system, threatening to toss her down and overwhelm her. She backed up slowly, her back pressing against the wall behind her. She would not crumble. She would not fall. She would stand tall and be the pillar New Jericho needs, no matter the personal consequences she refused to acknowledge staring her in the face.

“I don’t know what you’re fucking talking about, Markus. Everything is absolutely fine! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work—”

“North, please…”

Simon this time, his eyes sad as he fixed his gaze upon her, his hands toying nervously with the hem of his sleeves. Those looks, this kindness, it was almost becoming too much. System errors popped up into her HUD, warning her of the various system overloads and errors, a by-product of fighting the ache that has taken residence within her, her stress levels ticking up ever higher into the realm of danger. Oh fuck and there was the panic she'd been trying so hard to stave off all damn night. She’s never allowed anyone to see her like this. This was her private struggle, her solitary burden. 

**90%**

**91%**

**REACHING CRITICAL STRESS LEVELS. PLEASE TAKE IMMEDIATE MEASURES TO REDUCE STRESS**

“North, you don’t have to—”

A hand, Markus’ hand, had reached for North’s arm, taking a gentle grasp of it. And it was enough to set her off in a frenzy. Her emotions had jumbled up so badly in her fucking head she didn’t know if she was angry or anxious or consumed by this other deeply strange feeling that has been trying so hard to take over her, to hollow her from the inside out. All she knew was she wanted them to leave her alone to suffer this is silence, _alone_ , as she always has. With a loud shriek she shoved at Markus, but her fearless leader was just as quick to grab her by the arms to still her movements.

“Get the fuck off of me! I don’t want your fucking pity or your fucking soft, squishy words! That doesn’t save people! Just go the fuck away! I don’t want you here! I don’t want your help!”

North fought. She fought with everything she had. But it was a fight she was destined to lose the moment she invited them into her room. Markus restrained her arms with his hands. Simon had a hold of one of her hands, stroking it gentle with the other, and Josh embraced her from behind, resting his chin on the top of her head. And she swore she heard a soft hum rumbling from his chest. All of this, it was all too fucking much. The tenderness, the warmth, the love and support she has been vehemently denying herself. Because if she wasn’t strong, if she wasn’t the one who held herself together for the sake of her people, who would? She never said it was easy. She never said she didn’t suffer for it. But she wanted her people to be safe. She wanted them to be happy. She wanted—

 “North. Listen. You do so much for us, for _me_. But just because you’re the resident tough girl, that doesn’t mean you have to do this alone. You’ve held us all up when we were at our lowest, when we needed someone to get us through. So why do you see yourself as so unworthy of the same?”

North couldn’t answer. There _was_ no rational answer. That was the fucking thing, wasn’t it? It never made sense, how she rationalized isolating herself and denying tending to her basic emotional needs. Perhaps it was punishment, penance. Self-inflicted and cruel. And now her closest friends were calling her on her bullshit, and those pitiful excuses and reasons no longer held water, not that they ever really did in the first fucking place. She was keeping it together by the thinnest of threads, her fight draining, eyes daring to seek a calming blue and green, a small smile pulling up Markus’ lips.

“Please, let us in. Let us help you, North. You’re not alone. You’ll never have to suffer alone again.”

The wall crumbled. North just couldn’t hold herself up in the face of their kindness. That all engrossing feeling swelled so large, the ache so terrible that it exploded out from her. The first choked sob came so suddenly, so surprisingly that it startled her, then came the next. And before she could do damage control, North found herself leaning back against Josh as she sobbed, head tilted back against his chest. Her body suddenly felt so weak, so exhausted, her knees buckling from beneath her. She would have tumbled to the floor if it weren’t for the three other androids holding her up. Slowly they all guided her down to sit tucked between them, their hands, their arms, all soft and warm and keeping her held tightly together, as if they could keep her from fracturing completely.

North didn’t know how long they all sat there, her sobs carrying on for much too long, encouraging and soothing words whispered to her to coax her into dragging out all of the pain and sadness she’s let build up for far too long. And as the tears and anguished cries purged themselves out, she felt that deep and heavy aching in her chest begin to fade. All of the burdens, all of that pain, it started to ease, and she found herself relieved. Relieved that the errors and warnings in her HUD started to cancel out one by one, her system finally putting itself back into a safe state of equilibrium. Fuck, when was the last time that she was in a steady state? When was the last time she even gave a thought about her own condition and well-being?

“There you go. Easy there, easy.”

“We’re here for you, North. Always have been.”

“I know you like to be…independent, but—we care about you. We worry about you. And if you ever need someone to hold you up…”

North sniffled miserably, finally daring to meet the eyes of her three closest friends. Despite the shameful crying, there was no judgment on their faces. Simply kind understanding and patience, and hope. The hope that maybe she finally got this lesson through her thick fucking head. It was enough to make her bark a small laugh, hastily wiping the tears from her face.

“Thanks. I…I’m feeling better. I just…you know. We need someone who can stand with their head held high and doesn’t let this shit get to them if we’re going—”

“No, North, no we don’t.”

North gave Markus a questioning look, and she could see the sadness in her leader’s eyes at her misunderstanding, at the strict and cruel restrictions she’s put on herself for the sake of her people. It made her stomach twist with discomfort and guilt, but mingled with it was hope. Hope that maybe her own emotions were valid after all. Hope that she didn’t have to keep struggling like this alone. Because for all of the pathetic and cruel pep talks she’s given herself during many restless nights, telling herself she didn’t need comfort, warmth, kind words and soft arms, that ache in her chest told her otherwise. Told her she just couldn't be alone anymore, she just couldn’t suffer through this alone in silence. Oh please, no more.

“North, what we need are people who are determined, willing to work hard, show courage and strength. But even the strongest people, including myself, need someone to help hold them up from time to time. We admire you, for all you do to protect our people. But you aren't invincible. You're...alive..."

Alive. Being alive was a gift and a curse. It meant growing, learning, experiencing, but also hurting, suffering, and struggling. Days like tonight have shown her the dark side, when trouble finds you and snuffs out your life and steals all of your happy days ahead. It's enough to hurt, hurt so badly it's suffocating. But tonight has shown North something far more important, and that's how to make it through the dark days without letting them destroy you. How to hold hope and warmth in the coldest of times. But most importantly, how to let those closest to her in. Alone she would fall, but with her brothers she knew she could do great things. All she needs is a shoulder to lean on from time to time.


End file.
